Cleveland Found To Finally Be Thriving Without Sports

As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to cripple America’s economy there is little left to get excited about. Sports are certainly not one of the “exciting” topics as they’ve been cancelled without a formal date of return. However, a small city with a big heart and a song of rock-and-roll in that big heart, is actually doing quite well. Cleveland is finally thriving, without sports!

Many things have changed in Cleveland since sports have gone. Weather reports have noted that the sun has come out and hasn’t gone away. People are drinking from the non-polluted (news to us) Cuyahoga River, which is not on fire anymore!

“The smell is gone too,” said Baker Mayfield, former Cleveland Browns quarterback, who now is a local chef at “Baker’s Baked Goods.” 

Bands have reportedly signed deals to go to Cleveland for the first time in decades, and the World’s Fair has been resurrected to specifically come back to Cleveland. 

Many young people are excited that Cleveland State University is projected to outrank Harvard by 2024, Disney Galaxy is coming to the city, and get this, people are smiling! 

“It’s truly amazing what happens when you remove 60+ years of losing, and let people just be happy,” mentioned Cleveland’s Mayor Frank G. Jackson, “Since Cleveland is finally doing well, we see no need for sports to return to Cleveland. And now, all Clevelanders can pick a new, good team they like! I hear everyone is now a Patriots fan!”

Last week, the mother of all Cleveland people has said he’s coming back, the big one, the big get, that’s right Lebron James. Not for sports of course, but for the thriving new restaurant scene. 

Good for you Cleveland, things are really looking up!

UPDATE: A week after the 2032 Olympics have declared they’re coming to Cleveland amidst its incredible success the entire city has descended back into a deep dark sports depression, and yes, that smell is back.