Surprisingly Tender: Sports Riot Opens Up On Our One-Night Stand With Gritty

Here at Sports Riot, we like to sample the goods while we’re on the road, and over the years we’ve managed to suck and fuck our way through almost every mascot in the nation. Benny the Bull, Patriot Pat—we even got The Swinging Friar to cast aside his oath to God for one night in heaven with the Sports Riot staff.

So when our staff had the chance to take a one-night trip to fucktown with the orange mound of pound, we tossed our pants faster than a puck drop at a Flyers game. But what we didn’t expect was how surprisingly tender that cantaloupe-colored Casanova would be as he made prolonged, sensual love to each and every one of us simultaneously.

When we arrived at Wells Fargo Arena, the lights were dimmed and a trail of empty Cheetos bags laid on the ice led us to Gritty’s subterranean lair. Bjork’s cover of ‘Kiss From a Rose’ played over the loudspeakers as our entire writing staff opened the beaded curtains to see Gritty laying in a pile of loose hay, wearing nothing but his helmet.

Our entire staff’s naked bodies quickly crashed down upon the plump, furry body of the mascot. Gritty’s got a surprising amount of orifices, and we were eager to explore every nook and cranny. Gritty’s googly eyes darted across the writhing flesh pile to ensure he made eye contact with each of us as he took us to task in his Sin Bin. The punishment was tough, but fair.

After hours of steamy lovemaking and someone eating out his penalty box, we all collapsed in a heap. Gritty took out a set of charcoal pencils and drew an erotic portrait of our steaming, satisfied bodies to capture a rapturous evening that our staff will never forget.

Join us next time as we recount the time our staff indulged in an animalistic fucktangle with the Supersonics Sasquatch that left us all hospitalized and extremely satisfied.