The Orioles Are For Sale But Who Has $3.78 And Access To Cal Ripken’s Bones?

 After 27 years of ownership, Peter Angelos is selling the Baltimore Orioles for the low low price of just $3.78 and Cal Ripken’s bones. At such a bargain price, the only question is: who will gain access to the Oriole legend’s skeleton?

“Well this is just typical. I’m sitting here with exactly $3.78 in my wallet and a hankering to own my favorite ball club, but, like always, something gets in the way. Always a day late or a collarbone short,” lifelong Orioles fan, line cook, and prospective buyer Josh Nguyen lamented to reporters during an interview.

Vegas oddsmakers have placed Cal Ripken Jr. as the favorite to swoop in and buy the team– figuring Junior must have inside knowledge of the whereabouts of his dad’s bones.

Upon hearing of the odds, Mr. Nguyen replied, “Man, celebrities get all the breaks. I wish I had that old manager’s skull. Or even just a few ribs. Or one rib. Hell, if Adam could make Eve out of a rib, I could make one hell of an MLB owner. Do you think his baby teeth would work? Oh, nevermind. I don’t have those either. Aarrghh!”

As the interview closed, Mr Nguyen was seen bumping into none other than Cal Ripken Jr. himself in the parking lot. While sources were unable to hear their conversation, witnesses saw what looked like Junior turning his pants pockets inside out and shrugging followed by the two men shaking hands. As they walked toward their vehicles, Junior was seen smiling as he mouthed the words: “Baker Cemetery in Aberdeen. Grab a shovel and follow me…partner.”