Trump Threatens To Take Green Bay If He Doesn’t Win Walter Payton Man Of The Year Award

The White House knows it. Mike Johnson knows it. President Donald J. Trump is an award-winning president. And soon the NFL will agree by awarding the President the 2026 Walter Payton Man Of the Year Award. Because if they don’t, he’ll award himself something else: Green Bay.

“I have done more for Walker Payman than any president in the history of the universe,” said President Trump. “[People are saying] No one community services like me. And by the way, who says the great people of Wisconsin deserve Green Bay just because they landed there on a boat 400 years ago?!” 

“The President is most deserving of this and every Man of the Year award,” emphasized Secretary Karoline Leavitt at a White House press briefing on Wednesday. “He is stronger, smarter and more powerful than anyone in the history of the game. Nobody but the President would ever dare take Green Bay to save our great nation. Remember: if he doesn’t get it for NATIONAL SECURITY REASONS, China will seize it by 2027. Do you really want the Chinese Green Bay Packers, America?!”

“Well, uh, you have to be an NFL football player, so originally we said no,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, when asked if the President would be the 2026 honoree. “But then he floated a 200% tariff on Tom Brady. And we realized he was the perfect person for this year’s award. Congratulations, Mr. President!”