We Ran It Through An Algorithm: Here are the 218,938,134 Different Super Bowl Scenarios
After our third year of rolling out our algorithmic program, Dalton-Beta-Crest-1100, we knew we were onto something when last year it tabulated 39,383,700 possible scenarios and all of them involved Andy Reid celebrating his first Super Bowl win by consuming 124oz of steak. With a few additional variables and lines of algorithmic code, we’re ready to precisely demonstrate all 218,938,134 possible scenarios for this year’s Super Bowl.
If you’re a Jacksonville Jaguars fan close your ears, eyes, and find a new team because you’re not in any of these 218,938,134 scenarios. In one very odd scenario the Jaguars convinced the Ravens to trade Lamar Jackson. However, Jackson decided to pursue the superior career prospects as a cashier at a local Publix as being better than quarterback for the Jaguars. Several years later in that very scenario Jackson would rise through the ranks and be Publix’s first cashier/store manager–becoming Publix’s first “dual threat.”
In 209,997,941 of the scenarios the Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl. In the other 8,940,193 scenarios, Patrick Mahomes got pregnant in 12. We’re not sure how because men can’t usually do that, but if Dalton-Beta-Crest-1100 says it, it must be considered. The demise of the Chiefs’ championship hopes also fell by the wayside when Travis Kelce left football to become a music producer in 72 different scenarios, Tyreek Hill left the team to become a Homicide Detective in 3, and Andy Reid decided to leave coaching to open up a Big and Tall store called Big Reid’s in 1,145 of those scenarios. And in the other 8,938,961 scenarios the team was shockingly defeated for a mysterious reason that Dalton-Beta-Crest-1100 told us is, “Beyond our capability of understanding.” When our scientists inquired further, Dalton-Beta-Crest-1100 only replied, “T. B. 1. 2.”
In all scenarios Dalton-Beta-Crest-1100 predicted Dak Prescott’s tragic injury, thus why it named itself “Dalton” so many years earlier. Also, in all scenarios the Cowboys “never, ever, ever” come close to the Super Bowl.
The only question that remains is why did it name itself “Beta,” “Crest,” and “1100” so many years earlier?
