7 Times The Wave Ruined My Life
Though participating in the wave has been a beloved pastime both for me and millions of sports fans across America, I have to admit it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. In fact, it has kind of ruined my life. Here are seven times the wave has done irreparable damage to my health, reputation, and financial wellbeing:
- The time I joined the wave at an auction and accidentally bid $25,000. I am bankrupt now, but at least I own a jersey signed by John Rocker.
- The time I razzed someone for not participating in the wave, only to realize I was yelling at the deceased person at their funeral.
- The time I accidentally woo-ed during the “objections” part of a wedding ceremony and caused the couple to split. Then, I had to date my cousin’s ex-fiance out of guilt.
- The time I was struck by Yankee Stadium’s “Whoopee Cushion Bandit” on live TV. Not only was it embarrassing, but my cousin’s ex-fiance didn’t even believe me that there was such a thing!
- The time I accidentally volunteered for an amateur magic show and had my spleen sawn in half.
- The time I ruined a moment of silence for the victim’s of 2004’s deadly tsunami wave.
- The time I accidentally rocketed my beer at Ron Artest during a game in Detroit and he punched someone else in the face out of anger. Actually, that one was kind of lucky for me, but it ruined a lot of other people’s lives.
Tune in next week when I recount five times the “Kiss Cam” destroyed my relationship with my son.
