Jerry Jones Hired As New Cowboys Head Coach

A major shakeup occurred in Dallas over the past weekend, as recent Cowboys head coaching hire Mike McCarthy was unceremoniously set aside in favor of a new and audacious prospect, longtime NFL legend Jerry Jones.

“After a rough start to our season, the organization has decided it’s time to bring in some new blood,” said Cowboys general manager Jerry Jones, who noted that the new coach immediately stood out in the interview process due to his surprisingly in-depth knowledge of the Cowboys history and organizational achievements. “After an extensive search, I can say without a doubt that we have definitely found the perfect candidate.”

Multiple sources from the Cowboys head office confirm that the coach’s rapport with his interviewer appeared to have been flawless, also citing the impressive reference letter the prospect had procured from an undisclosed prominent owner of an NFL franchise, as well as the new coach’s extensive resume which included a career-milestone indoctrination into the Hall of Fame in 2017.

“We were very lucky to get him,” agreed Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who made a statement to the press immediately after ending a Zoom call with his franchise’s eye-catching future leader. “From what I hear, every single other team in the league was also clamoring for Jerry Jones to be their head coach as well. But in the end, it takes an owner like Jerry Jones to have the charm and the sheer grit it would take to win this amazing coach over to our team.”

“Of course, I still had to lowball him,” added Jones. “That’s just good business.”

A brief press statement was issued by the new head coach himself, who noted that he counted himself blessed to be a part of the Cowboys storied franchise. Although sources close to Coach Jones did admit that the 78-year-old was a bit nervous, as he had heard that owner Jerry Jones had a history of firing coaches who tried to take on too large of a role within the organization.