Hear Us Out: More Chainsaws In Texas Team Logos

I think we can all agree that the most famous thing about Texas is the legendary “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” It’s literally all the state is known for, as far as my research and VHS collection indicate. The state is simply flush with chainsaws, and it’s time there were more in Texas team logos.

Rockets? Cowboys? Texans? Have you ever seen any of those things inside of Texas? It’s full of nothing but giant men waving around chainsaws. Imagine if you walked into Philadelphia and didn’t see the Liberty Bell or walked onto Notre Dame’s campus and didn’t see a bunch of drunken Irish men fist fighting. It’s time for Texans to be seen, and most importantly, heard from miles away. 

There is no more famous logo in sports than the Dallas Cowboys star, yet not a single chainsaw is represented. This is an incredibly easy fix; at the end of each point, a chainsaw can be added. Every soft, liberal city that comes against Dallas NEEDS to be reminded you don’t mess with Texas, and a literal star of chainsaws will strike fear in their dumb bleeding hearts. Also, their hearts will literally be bleeding after we impale them with a chainsaw. 

Houston Texans? How about the Houston Texan Chainsaws! The advertising speaks for itself, here. Instead of a squishy looking cow mascot limply running around the sideline, we’ll have a giant, walking red chainsaw hanging in the stands with the Texas youth. This will go great when the team finally gives away branded chainsaws to the first 10,000 fans in attendance. 

The only team that almost gets this right is the San Antonio Spurs. A spur is so close to a boot chainsaw. The team just needs to make sure to add more tiny blades to their logo and boom! Chainsaws that fans can wear on their feet anywhere in the state of Texas. 

Now, let’s hear it for your San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, and Texas Chainsaws! Next, why don’t Missouri teams have at least three billboards in every logo?