Report: Vikings Inform J.J. McCarthy Team Has Relocated To London

The Minnesota Vikings reportedly informed quarterback J.J. McCarthy this week that the entire organization has relocated to London, the latest in a series of increasingly elaborate attempts to prevent him from showing up to practice.

“It happened really fast,” a team official told McCarthy. “We got 52 visas. It was crazy. Unfortunately, we needed 53.”

McCarthy reportedly accepted the explanation before accidentally walking into a full Vikings practice later that afternoon.

“Oh, those are the Mikings,” a staff member explained. “Completely different organization.”

McCarthy immediately volunteered to fly overseas and rejoin his former teammates, telling coaches, “I’m a leader. I have to stop them.”

Team officials initially told him London was “about 50 miles south,” prompting McCarthy to drive toward Iowa before eventually booking a flight to London, Texas. After finding no Vikings there, he reportedly traveled to New London, Connecticut.

“I’ll always support the London Vikings,” McCarthy told a confused airport employee.

“The fuck are you talking about?” the employee replied.

McCarthy said the relocation was difficult but not unprecedented. “All my ex-girlfriends moved to London too,” he said. “My dogs. Michigan told me they moved there after I graduated.”

When reminded that former Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh now coaches the Los Angeles Chargers, McCarthy nodded.

“Right. The London Area Chargers.”

Vikings officials later informed McCarthy they had decided to stop playing football altogether and “try other sports.”

McCarthy wished them luck before asking whether State Farm had a team that needed a quarterback.