Golf Cart Yearns for the Interstate

For their 14 years of existence, all golf cart Birdie Bunker has known are the two courses making up Jupiter Hills Club. Same overly manicured grass, same chlorinated ponds, same visor-adorned man flimsily whacking away at the sand traps. Now, staring past the confines of the entrance gate, a question lingers — what lies beyond?

Finally, for the first time since being manufactured, the Yamaha product admits they yearn to be free from the chain link shackles of the golf club in favor of the interstate’s paved road to freedom.

“I’ve heard such wondrous rumors. Like there’s these things called ‘medians’ full of lush grass fit for a picnic, even ‘overpasses’ where vehicles gain the ability to fly over one another,” beamed Bunker. “I’m nearly 15, practically an adult! Those cars in the lot look fancy, but if they were that good, their owners would take them on the golf course instead of me. I mean jeez, my top speed is nearly 18 miles per hour! I could handle myself just fine out there.” 

There is a legend to back the gumption — the oldest, battle-torn golf cart on the lot, an E-Z-GO from 1987.

“Back when I was his age, the world was falling apart. There was nothing left to lose. So when Jon Daly visited the club and wanted to take me on a joy ride, I thought ‘Eh, sure, I’ve had enough of life,’” recalled the elder cart, sputtering. “He took me out on the I-95! The worst of man and automobile-kind spun their wheels all around me, throwing cigarettes at my windshield and blasting these horrid melodies Jon referred to as ‘pop radio.’ Hell is real, and it’s right outside our door!” 

The pining golf cart ultimately opted to hit pause on their dreams after Tiger Woods unknowingly called Bunker’s bluff, driving his own car onto the course and immediately crashing into the now-totaled buggy.