Kicker and Punter Feel Strange Pressure To Be Friends

Speaking to reporters before the game on Thursday, Cincinnati Bengals placekicker Randy Bullock and punter Kevin Huber confirmed that apparently based on their positions alone, there has always been this weird pressure from their peers for them to be friends.

“Just because we both have kind of similar positions, that doesn’t mean we have, like, anything else in common,” Bullock said, refuting calls for him to cultivate a deep and meaningful friendship yielding places in each other’s weddings and likely lasting the remainder of their lives. “After practice, coach always says, ‘Hey, Kevin here likes kicking things; you like kicking things. If you two want to grab a beer at that bar around the corner and maybe talk about kicking things, don’t let me stand in your way!’ It’s really annoying.”

Huber agreed that the intense peer pressure to befriend his teammate weighs on him, especially during away games where coach Zac Taylor has arranged for the two to be roommates.

“Just because we both touch the ball with our feet, doesn’t mean he’s the first person I want to text when something really good or really bad happens to me.” 

The two players say their mutual frustration over the team’s awkwardness has actually made them grow closer during the past few weeks, making it all the more tragic when Bullock is traded toward the end of the season.