Cowboys Cheerleaders Unveil Cheer Asking For Health Insurance

Suppressing their pain as they gyrated in front of AT&T Stadium’s sold-out crowd, the Dallas Cowboys’ Cheerleaders debuted a new cheer this Sunday that featured them pleading with the organization for health insurance. “Dental! Dental! We want dental!” the women shouted, while shaking their pom-poms and flashing crooked, jacked-up smiles to the cameras. 

“Gimme an ‘H!’ Gimme an ‘M!’ Gimme an ‘O!’” they chanted toward the ownership suite, as confused, yet empathetic fans looked down in horror at the squad’s tired eyes, curved spines, and one woman’s clearly infected nub of an arm.

When asked about the cheers, Cowboy’s owner Jerry Jones told reporters, “I am always happy to listen to employee concerns, but unfortunately our cheerleaders are independent contractors,” adding that between free concession stand food, on-field access, and complimentary breast implants, “these women are overpaid as it is.”

At half-time, the crowd reportedly watched in horror as a sickly, pregnant blonde plunged 20-feet from atop the human pyramid – a metaphor for neonatal care – snapping her neck on the ground. The woman was then dragged past state-of-the-art medical equipment reserved for players, and administered a single, forceful wake-up slap. Although she has lost all sensation from the neck down, sources have confirmed that her immaculate, Cowboys-backed tits remain perfectly intact.