Learning From His Mistakes: We Tried To Catfish Manti Te’o And He Just Beat The Living Shit Out Of Us

Ten years after his infamous catfishing incident, we at Sports Riot decided to see if Manti T’eo learned from his mistakes. And we’re proud to report that not only did the former Notre Dame star NOT fall for our catfishing attempt, but he also beat the living shit out of our entire writing staff! Talk about personal growth!

Starved for an update on the linebacker — and content for this page — we slid into T’eo’s DM’s today with an enticing offer. We made sure to craft a realistic-sounding message using language an attractive lady might use, were we to meet one. “Hi!” we wrote. “I’m a super hot woman, come meet me with flowers!”

Admittedly, we weren’t expecting a response, so we sweetened the pot. “I have a social security number and a birth certificate. Do you?” we added. “I’m too hot for the human eye. Also, I love you.” Not surprisingly, our message was immediately read. Time would soon tell if Manti had gained enough life experience to see through our clever decoy.

And we are delighted to say that T’eo did not disappoint! Using the location we accidentally shared on our iPhone, he tracked us down at our offices and beat the goddamned tar out of each and every one of us! He even beat us worse than Alabama beat Notre Dame in the 2012 National Championship! And though his tackles were good for a college star, we could tell why he never broke out in the NFL.

Wiser with experience, T’eo then threatened legal action and another class-action ass-whooping if we ever contacted him again. “Don’t talk to me ever!” he said. “Not until you are hot and real!”

Immediately afterwards, T’eo reportedly flew to Bristol, Connecticut to confront Stephen A. Smith for attempting the same thing.