Aaron Donald Officially Unretired After Grim Reaper Tasked Him With Collecting Brock Purdy

When Aaron Donald officially announced his return to football, fans assumed it was to help the Rams win another Super Bowl. However, it appears the 3x DPOY came back for a different reason: to collect the soul of Brock Purdy on behalf of Death himself.

“It’s actually a funny story,” Donald said while casually lifting 900 lbs of cinderblock. “Reaps and I used to torment the same quarterbacks and we hit it off. Anyway, we were getting a quick workout in when he asked me if I could come back to the League to personally collect Brock Purdy’s soul. I’ve done favors for Reaps before, so I said, ‘hey, what’s another.’ Hey, you owe me one, Reaps! You owe me one!”

According to Donald, Death was so excited to finally see a healthy Christian McCaffrey that he completely forgot that the 49ers also had a quarterback.

“The guy’s a 7th round pick going on year 5 as a starting QB in the National Football League. I shoulda sacked the life out of him years ago!” the Grim Reaper told us. “Unfortunitely, I’ve been tied up recently trying to figure out how to send Deshaun Watson to super-hell. So, I sent my boy A.D.”

“I was ecstatic when Aaron said he wanted to come back,” Rams head coach Sean McVay said. “I told him he was gonna help us win another ring. Weirdly though, he didn’t seem to care about that. He just kept swinging a giant scythe and grunting something about Brock Purdy’s fate being sealed.”

While opposing fans have called Donald’s return “overkill”, Death made it clear that bringing back the Rams all time sack leader was not his initial plan. “I thought sending Myles Garrett would be enough,” the Grim Reaper explained. “Problem is, he’s still looking for Mason Rudolph. So I had to go to plan B.”