Allegiant Stadium To Stop Serving Cocaine After 3rd Quarter

The Las Vegas Raiders, committed to both excellence and the safety of fans, have informed guests at Allegiant Stadium of their newest policy. Moving forward, Allegiant Stadium will stop serving cocaine after the 3rd quarter. 

“While we want all of our fans to enjoy blow with their friends, we should remember to sniff responsibly,” said Raiders spokesperson, Chad White, speaking at an increasingly rapid pace. White did ask for forgiveness if he looked a little tired, stating, “I had a weekend long Public Relations bender.” 

Las Vegas will be the first team in the league to limit nose candy to three quarters, but will make sure to have “Bump Vendors” at every row in Allegiant Stadium up until the final quarter. Vendors will require to see proof of age and $1,000 in cash before dishing out lines to customers. All this comes off the heels of the Raiders fan safety initiative, “Don’t cocaine and drive.”

An announcement will be made near the end of the 3rd quarter to signal the end of cocaine sales, which will be made over, “I Can’t Feel My Face” by the Weeknd. It is anticipated fans will take an extra cup or two of cocaine rocks back to their seats for the start of the 4th. 

The Raiders did clarify that they will follow Las Vegas city ordinances, and will make alcohol consumption mandatory during all four quarters, pregame, halftime, overtime, and “one for the road” time.