America Exchanges Four Women’s World Cups For One Men’s Title

Parade planning is already underway for the U.S. Men’s Soccer team. 

America has formally exchanged four Women’s World Cups for one Men’s World Cup, and now the celebration for the United States’ first real World Cup can begin! 

“What a victory for men’s sports,” said Megan Rapinoe, former Women’s World Cup and Golden Boot winner. 

FIFA draws a strict line on their 4-to-1 World Cup exchange rate, but now the men can finally have their well-deserved and hard-earned title. FIFA officials also credit simple biology in this landmark moment for equality as the World Cup is too heavy for any one woman to lift, making its rightful place in a man’s hands. 

“We have plenty of cups in the cupboard, and the men need this title,” said Women’s World Cup winner Alex Morgan.

Although women obviously can’t compete with men in several sports, non-sports, and all around general life categories, it’s a victory in itself to see the Women’s World Cup teams know their rightful, supportive, and subservient place. Statistically speaking, behind every great men’s world team are four submissive women’s teams. 

“When I famously took my shirt off celebrating our 1999 Women’s World Cup win, only one thing was on my mind: now we’re only one-fourth of the way to an eventual Men’s title!” Brandi Chastain, 1999 Women’s World Cup winner, said.

With the men’s team finally obtaining a World Cup, experts believe the women can finally rest, never play soccer again, and return to their husband’s home.