Astros Heartbroken After Misinterpreting Stolen Signals

The Houston Astros suffered a painful organizational defeat this week after realizing the signals they had recorded from their opponents were misinterpreted, and that the other team is not, in fact, romantically interested in them. 

When the Astros first deciphered the stolen signals, they were stunned to discover that other teams might have a crush on them. “At first, I assumed it was some sort of code to communicate plays—what pitches to throw or who should steal a base. But the more signals they sent, the more it felt like flirting,” said flustered Astros manager, A.J. Hinch. “I’m such an idiot for thinking other teams might actually like-like us.” 

When asked if his team would stop stealing signals in order to prevent future heartbreaks, Hinch wiped away his tears and put on a brave face before saying, “We’re going to keep reading signals and putting ourselves out there until we find the right franchise for us.”