‘Tradition Unlike Any Other’ Turns Out To Be Golf

A coalition of cable television viewers held a press conference today demanding answers after learning that the “Tradition Unlike Any Other” alluded to in numerous commercials is nothing more than ordinary golf. 

“I still can’t believe it,” said distraught channel-surfer Kevin Galloway. “The way it was phrased, I felt certain I was about to experience a transcendent, life-altering event. And then Brooks Koepka’s giant, smug face appeared on the screen and I nearly hurled my TV across the room.”

“I traveled last year to attend the Kumbh Mela in Uttar Pradesh, India where literally tens of millions of Hindus gather once every 12 years to bathe in the Ganges River,” said Chicagoland optometrist Sumit Dhaliwal, who reported watching to the very end of the golfing program in the hopes that some aspect of the otherwise-ordinary sporting event would give him the utterly unique experience he had been promised. “Instead, I wasted four hours of my life listening to Jim Nantz.”