Base Jumper Saves Parents Thousands On Casket

Recent college graduate Ethan Swanson gave an early retirement present to his parents yesterday when the 22-year-old novice BASE jumper accidentally plunged to his death at the Grand Canyon, in effect saving his parents thousands of dollars on a casket.

During the descent, Swanson’s helpless body ricocheted off a Mesozoic period rock formation, severing his limbs and instantly saving his family $2,000 on a single burial plot. Since the body splattered on impact, spraying entrails around the serene canyon, Swanson added an additional $5,000 plus dollars in cold, hard cash to his parents’ incredible savings.

“We feel absolutely blessed,” Ethan’s father Curt said. “He always had a passion for adventure and helping others, so what better way to combine the two than have a faulty parachute with a death-defying hobby?”

In addition to the roughly $10,000 saved in funeral expenditures, the Swanson family will also hold onto the thousands it would have cost to complete the cross-country trip to scatter their son’s ashes as his bones pulverized themselves on impact.

“No family ever expects this to happen to their son—to save this much money,” Ethan’s mother Linda said.

As a result of the tragic financial windfall leading to the purchase of a retirement yacht, the Swanson family’s local funeral home is offering a limited-time discount where families can save 15% or more on urns if your child dies in a BASE-jumping accident.