Baseball World Stunned As Orioles Throw Very First No-Pitcher

Looking to stop the most recent skid in what has already been a challenging season, the Orioles have begun running a series of devious gambits. So far these have included increased bunt frequency and stealing more aggressively when behind late. Most recently, the Orioles have made history orchestrating baseball’s first no-pitcher, in what many analysts are calling “not baseball.”

“Well we put our best minds on it,” said Mansolino after the game, “And they said if we don’t pitch, they can’t hit. The hard part was the ‘not pitching,’ but we got it done. Proud of my guys.” 

Beginning the first inning against the Rays this past Saturday, the Orioles took the field but left the mound vacant. Umpire Tripp Gibson went to the Orioles dugout to discuss with manager Tony Mansolino, who ignored him, gazing stoically out across the field muttering about how he’d like to see em hit homers now. Gibson responded by tossing Mansolino, beginning a 45-minute monologue from the Orioles manager in baseball’s first attempted filibuster. The Orioles lost by forfeit. 

“Oh, we’re running it back alright” Mansolino continued, “We’re confident we can squeak a win out with this strategy.”

Perhaps inspired by the Orioles creativity on the field the Athletics have begun attempting to throw baseball’s first no-city.