Biologists Discover Missing Link Between Humans And Bosas

Researchers at the Ohio State University confirmed they have made a major evolutionary breakthrough in their discovery of the missing link between humans and Bosas. 

A decade ago, OSU biologist Dr. Clarence Wendell found evidence of Bosa life — which he termed “Homo sackiens” — in the 1850 journals of famed naturalist Charles Darwin. Though Darwin’s notes were sparse, relaying only observations of a “human-like, quarterback predator,” Darwin did manage to preserve back hair clippings of the creature.

Recent advancements in DNA analysis finally allowed for genealogical testing on the hairs, and it wasn’t long before the OSU scientists traced descendents of the Homo sackiens to the Los Angeles and San Francisco areas. 

“We knew we were on the right track when mutilated quarterback remains dating back decades were found in the outskirts of those cities,” said OSU wildlife biologist Dr. Felicity Sharma. “That’s when we were certain we had found the missing link between us and the Bosas.”

But Dr. Sharma cautioned if the social climate surrounding football does not improve, the natural habitat of Bosas — the NFL — will go away and threaten the existence of the already critically endangered species. “Which would be a shame,” Dr. Sharma added, “because we’ve lost so many great scientists already in discovering the ancestors of these two.” 

With their violent and destructive behavior, time will tell if Bosas and humans can truly cohabitate, though evidence suggests the Bosas have attempted to crossbreed with humans on multiple occasions. Dr. Sharma said she and her team are taking the proper precautions while studying the two by “not leaving the safety of the pocket.” 

The OSU team hopes the new discovery will inspire other researchers to finally find the missing link between humans and Gronks.