Caitlin Clark Named Indianapolis Colts Starting Quarterback

The Indianapolis Colts have made a bold choice. They’ve decided to bench signal caller Philip Rivers in favor of Indiana Fever guard Caitlin Clark. 

“She just wanted it more,” said Colts head coach Shane Steichen. The third-year coach noted that while Rivers is a hard worker, a great guy and an inspiration, every facet of Clark’s game is superior to that of the former Chargers QB.

“Her leadership, skill, the way she reads defenses, she’s exactly what this team needs now to give us the spark we need,” said Steichen, adding that her quicker release and ability to sense pressure already put her ahead of Rivers. “Also – Rivers’ hips crack when he runs. It’s alarming, Clark is the only choice.”

The decision was not just an on-field decision. Colts players say that Clark brings a certain gravitas in the locker room as well, which is going a long way with her new teammates. 

“Having a woman in the locker room has really elevated the team’s focus; suddenly everyone cares about showering and actually wearing deodorant,” said Colts GM Chris Ballard.

Despite never having played a single snap of organized football, Clark is expected to start next Sunday. “I know she’s never played football to anyone’s knowledge,” said Steichen. “But compared to Rivers’ AARP practice performance, how much worse could it really be?”