City Of Jacksonville Invites Urban Meyer On Ominous Trip To The Everglades

Amidst an underwhelming season thus far, the city of Jacksonville invited head coach Urban Meyer on an ominous “once-in-a-lifetime” trip to the Florida Everglades.

Mayor Lenny Curry, who showed up to Meyer’s front door at 1 a.m. this morning along with 100,000 Jacksonville residents dressed in teal cloaks, extended the invitation to the coach.

“Urban Meyer, you have been chosen to view the breathtaking vistas of the Everglades,” Mayor Curry can be heard saying to a pajama-clad Meyer in footage obtained from a jaguars.org live stream. “We will leave now to fully experience the excitement of the crocs’ prime feeding time at dawn.”

Meyer was quick to join the sightseeing tour, thanks to helpful Jacksonville citizens who aided in blindfolding him and confiscating his phone. Reports out of Everglades National Park indicate the party had no trouble launching their rusted-out fan-boats into the expansive, inhospitable swamplands while playing their banjos and keeping their torches lit. 

Residents who have given tours similar to the one Meyer is expected to enjoy tell reporters that the journey includes interesting tidbits like, “Did you know the Everglades is the only place on earth where both crocodiles and alligators coexist?” and “Python stomachs can dissolve human skeletons in less than 24 hours.”

According to Jaguars owner Shad Khan, former Jacksonville coaches Doug Marrone and Jack Del Rio were so enchanted with the exotic beauty of the wetlands when they visited, they decided to never return. If Meyer opts to remain in the Everglades also, Khan says the search for a new Jacksonville head coach will start as early as tonight.