College Baseball Team Dies After Staying Hungry All Season

A Division II college baseball team came hungry and stayed hungry all season long, resulting in the deaths of twelve promising athletes.

“Those boys were starving for action and to make a name for themselves. It’s just so sad,” said the team’s coach Joe Ritter, mentioning that bringing 100% every game really ate them up. 

“They really had an appetite for success,” said Maggie Gable, 21, after the funeral for her boyfriend. “And for food.”

Others on campus mourned the lost players during a candlelight vigil, saying that they always made a meal out of the other team, thirsted after success, and practically licked their lips at the thought of a championship.

“In all my years, I’ve never met a more ravenous bunch,” said the coach while fighting back tears. “Unfortunately, they were too malnourished to lift the bat.”