Cubs Excited To Announce Wrigley Field Bleachers Mostly Piss Free!

Hey Cubs fans!

The Cubs front office is pumped to announce that the Wrigley Field bleachers are almost 100% mostly piss free! Through the hard work of the Wrigley grounds crew and a $30,000 investment in pet urine odor solvent, the smell and dried accumulation on those benches are pretty much gone. After city officials measured that the bleachers were 95% covered in piss, swift action was taken! They now report the bleachers are 49% piss coverage, which by-Chicago-law means it’s “mostly” piss-free!

Cubs fans can now safely breathe deep when rooting for their team. Many are saying this is honestly the best Wrigley Field has looked and smelled in years.

One fan we asked said this about the change, “I love what they’ve done, they’ve really listened to our feedback and acted on it. Hopefully they take action again because the lack of piss smell has really brought to the forefront that consistent vomit stench.” That’s right, fans can’t stop raving about the new age Wrigley Field.

Though surprisingly there has been some backlash from the cleansing that has occurred. Long time Chicago Cubs fan, Hank D’Stefano, was protesting the changes outside of Wrigley today. D’Stefano had this to say, “We won the world series with piss, vomit, and sh*t at our feet. It’s our history, it’s tradition and they are trying to change that? Not in my city.” Hank was carrying a sign that read: FLY THE “W”IZZ FLAG, DON’T CLEANSE OUR PISS-TORY. He continued, “My grandpa sat in piss, my dad sat in piss, and I’ll be god-darned if I don’t sit in piss too!”

White Sox fans hope their front office takes a cue from the Cubs and finally cleans up the blood and shell casings at every seating section.