Curt Schilling Threatens To Run For Office Again If Not Placed In The Baseball Hall Of Fame

Curt Schilling, enraged after once again failing to secure a spot among baseball’s immortal, announced his intention in a video to run for Massachusetts State Senate unless “the illegitimate body governing the Hall of Fame selection process” finally enshrines the former pitcher in Cooperstown.

“I will not be fooled by the people who look at rigged, fake statistics like ERA and WHIP and use that as justification to silence me,” Schilling said while brandishing a bloody sock in front of the screen while screaming how a cabal of journalists from the Baseball Writers’ Association of America has planted several operatives to conspire against him. “They’re not admitting me because they’re afraid.”

Reacting to the video, several voters resigned to the likelihood Schilling would gain admittance into baseball’s holy cathedral.

“He can’t do as much damage if he’s in the Hall of Fame, and he had a few pretty great seasons, so what the hell?” one anonymous writer said, adding that members of the Hall of Fame committee were gathering to quickly reverse the decision and retroactively select Schilling as a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

Upon hearing the news of his imminent induction, Schilling released a statement expressing his “total surprise” to receiving “such an undeserved honor” before formally announcing his senate candidacy.