Detroit Man Puts In Bio For Used 2002 Ford Field

After finding a remarkable discount for it on Zillow.com, local Detroit resident Terrence Remarque mentioned to reporters on Thursday that he has officially put in his $225,000 bid in a real up-and-coming neighborhood for a slightly preowned 2002 Ford Field.

“As soon as the owners heard I was interested in the listing, they were frantically knocking on my door within seconds,” said the 40-year-old Michigander, who said that he was able to talk his local bank down to a 15-year, -6.8% fixed-rate mortgage to get the sluggish property off its hands. “The previous owner apparently had big ambitions for it, but after years of abject failure even given its prime location, I’ve been assured even the most optimistic of speculators has literally no use for it.”

The property, which Remarque has mentioned he is only interested in for its prospective use as a starter home for “some young, naïve U-Mich grads,” fortunately survived without any serious dents, missing parts, or distracting or tacky adornments such as Super Bowl banners. Given the horrors witnessed there over the past two decades, there is an unfortunate, persistent rumor that the property is cursed; however, Remarque brushed this aside, noting that any “drunk moron” with “even the most rudimentary grasp of management skills or trade negotiations” could see why prior attempts at restoring the building had failed.

Ultimately, Remarque stated, he’s ready to see his bid through, regardless of its clear fixer-upper status.

“Secretly, I’m hoping this is the kickstart downtown Detroit needs to get revitalized after years of neglect, even if we end up selling at a massive loss,” said the Motor City native. “Sure, this is only one Field, but who knows? If I put enough care into it, maybe that’s the key to this city finally getting its first professional sports team.”