High School Football Star Already Skipping Classes At A Collegiate Level

Star Harry S. Truman High School quarterback Trent Meers has been stirring buzz about huge future potential as an NFL superstar, thanks to his unprecedented ability to skip classes at a level not even seen by most junior and senior college players.

“Once in a generation you get that high school athlete with the perfect combination of speed, toughness, and lack of investment in even the most rudimentary level of education,” said ESPN “College GameDay” analyst Kirk Herbstreit, who mentioned that Meers was the first high schooler in history to score a perfect 100 on the famous Mel Kiper, Jr. “Truancy Meter”. “Forget basic Precalculus or Spanish, this kid puts in the work to blow off even those courses other athletes take for granted, like Remedial Art, or Study Hall.”

The adults in Meers’ life agree. In fact, the teenager’s guidance counselor, Gwendolyn Tran, has gone out of her way to contact scouts about the prize missing athlete. “When I asked him why he hadn’t taken his last fourteen tests and he told me to ‘fuck off,’ I immediately started breaking out the Division I phone book,” said an impressed Tran. 

Meers himself has not been letting the talk get to his head, with the quarterback maintaining a strenuous anti-academic training regimen of playing 8 hours of Madden a day in his room, combined with watching old films of other football greats such as Joe Namath and Troy Aikman showing up an hour or more late to their final exams.

“But even these superstars all had some form of inherent guilt or basic parental nagging holding them back; Trent has none of that,” continued Tran. “I’ll be honest with you — I don’t think this kid can even read.”

Tran has promised to do “whatever it takes” for Meers to further encourage his immense talent, adding that she has already signed him up to skip four Advanced Placement courses in the spring.