Eli Manning Signed By Whoever Has To Play The Patriots In The Super Bowl

In what many around the league are calling a “biased” and “unpatriotic” move, the National Football League announced today that they will allow Eli Manning to sign with whatever team faces the Patriots in this year’s Super Bowl.

“How can they do this? It’s so unfair,” said Patriots head coach, Bill Belichick, of the NFL allowing the 38-year-old backup quarterback to sign a contract with the eventual NFC Champions. “It doesn’t even make sense; I have a plan for everything except this.”

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was even more outraged by what he sees as a direct attempt to prevent him from winning his seventh Super Bowl ring. “I feel bad for the League, if I were the NFL I’d do the same thing too,” said the timeless superstar who has appeared in an NFL record nine Super Bowls. “If you’re like me and you’ve already beaten the concept of organized sports–you live for stuff like this.”

When reached for comment, Eli Manning said he likes football and will “throw ball good” to any new friends who want to play with him.