Everyone Shut The Fuck Up: A White Man Needs To Hit A Tiny Ball In A Big Green Park

Dear Guests,

Everyone who thinks it’s okay to be running their mouths right now needs to realize what’s happening and shut the fuck up. If you haven’t noticed, a white man needs to hit a tiny ball in a big green park.

If you make a single peep while this Caucasian male stands still in a 75-acre park, he may lose his focus and fail to hit the ball into the cup in the ground. It will be your fault because you couldn’t just seal your yapper for two goddamn minutes while this old, wealthy white man carefully evaluated how to hit the tiny ball with his stick.

The white man must hit the ball well to have a chance at winning the big check that you can’t have, so shut your fucking trap and let him play this game with his rich friends in their plaid pajamas.

You know what? We’re not letting anyone on the course this year, no fans–we have a feeling y’all won’t be able to keep that mouth the fuck shut.  

Sincerely,

The Masters Management