Man At Football Game Secretly Listening To Wedding

Despite being dragged to yet another Buffalo Bills game by his wife, Jake Parker, avid nuptials fan and native Buffaloian, was prepared to secretly be listening to his cousin’s wedding. Although his eyes were on the game, with an earpiece, his heart was able to be with his cousin on the gridiron of Holy Matrimony. 

A hard fist pump was reported to have come from Parker shortly after a particularly stirring passage from Corinthians 13:4-5, despite the Bills blowing a coverage and giving up an easy touchdown. “It’s shaping up to be a good one,” Parker expressed to his wife and surrounding bystanders. 

Onlookers reported that his wife instituted a series of elbows to Parker’s midsection, exclaiming, but trying not to make a scene, “I cannot believe you’re not paying attention. You’re embarrassing me.” She went on to whisper-scream sternly, “this is beautiful [referring to a zone blitz scheme that stifled a screen-play], pay attention, my whole family is here!” 

“Eternal love is more important than this 4th down, ok? OKAY?!” Parker reportedly replied to his wife, prior to muttering to himself that the groom needed to convert the first dance against a challenging tuxedo defense. “This is the only time in my life that my cousin has a chance at a winner. It’s now or never and I need him to go all the way.” 

After the Bills’ loss by 24 and despite their best efforts Parker was reported to have left the stadium with a rye smile. Insider reports have concluded that after the Best Man speech, his fantasy wedding team had scored enough points to declare this week’s victory.