Dallas Cowboys Scramble To Fill Roster After Team Dies In Saloon Shootout

The big boss men up Dallas way have found theirselves in a predicament t’fill a roster after all their Cowboys done perished in a saloon shootout come last Saturday.

Folk intimate wit’ the crime say the Cowboys was partakin’ in the diversions n’ libations of a local saloon when a brawl broke out ‘twixt the Cowboys n’ some no-good Steelers passin’ through town.

‘Parently, the men dressed in black—led by th’infamous JuJu “Six-Shooter” Smith-Schuster—darkened the doorway of the establishment n’ scared the patrons n’ buxom gals tendin’ bar down ‘neathe high-top tables, fer fear a Schuster’s reputation.

After some whiskies n’ gamblin’, the Cowboys done accused Six-Shooter a cheatin’ at the ‘Jacks Hi’ game. The clans decided t’ settle the disagreement wit’ a shootout at high noon. That’s when the gun slingin’ began.

Though the Cowboys pulled’n early lead on Six-Shooter’s gang, t’weren’t long ‘fore the Cowboys fell back inta their ol’ habit of chokin’. After slaughterin’ the entire Cowboy crew, the Steelers evaded the law wit’ the help a’some Broncos waitin’ outside. 

Jerry Jones, who bought up the Cowboys after strikin’ rich wit’ oil, don’t think too positively ‘bout his chances of gettin’ ‘nough able-bodied men out the camps by Sunday.  Mike McCarthy, head coach, said he has the ‘xact same ‘pinion as Jerry Jones—as always.