Frank Thomas Opens Plus-Sized Store Called “The Big Shirt”

This Saturday, Former White Sox slugger Frank Thomas celebrated the grand opening of his new men’s apparel store, The Big Shirt, the first ever clothing store for men too big and tall for big and tall stores. “Some men are large even without the use of performance enhancing drugs,” Thomas stated. “That’s why our size scale ranges from 35XL to DH—definitely huge.”

The Big Shirt boasts an unheard of 10 aisles of sox. While they primarily carry white sox, there is a bargain bin of black sox which Thomas claims are “so cheap it’ll feel like you’re cheating.” The store is so big that it even contains a food court. “We’ve got ballpark franks, helmet nachos, and a stadium-cup-sized drink we call, ‘The Big Slurp,’” said Big Shirt floor manager, Ozzie Guillen. “And all of our prices are at a ‘Guaranteed Rate Minimum.’

Thomas’ store pays homage to fellow retired ballplayers with its Ken Griffey ‘Juniors’ children’s department and its “Shoeless Joe” Jackson sandal section. Although not as bougie as the big and tall stores located on the city’s North side, Big Shirt shoppers appear to be more loyal to their local businesses, as well as more knowledgeable and interested in clothing.