Fuck, Marry, Kill: We Break Down This Year’s NCAA Bracket
The time has come. The Final Four from this year’s NCAA Bracket are to clash, and everything is riding on tonight. Sports Riot has been overwhelmed with the outpouring of comments and requested analysis leading into tonight’s Villanova v Kansas and North Carolina v Duke matchups. As you wish Rioters, here’s who we’d Fuck, Marry, and Kill.
Duke: FUCK
Definitely a hate-fuck situation. After years of success, always being relevant, and consistent consistency the time is finally here: we’re going to fuck Coach K off into the sunset, and hate ourselves before, during, and after. And, by the way, no eye contact. No goddamn eye contact.
Villanova: MARRY
This is pretty easy, @novambb follows @sportsriot , so if that’s not marriage material–what is? Plus, like it or not, Villanova’s definitely the kind of university you can bring home to your parents and tell them they follow you on Instagram. Nova, we love you! Go bring home your 4th NCAA basketball championship, and then promptly marry us immediately. We’re waiting…
North Carolina: KILL
Everyone knows that in college basketball it’s murder or be murdered. Well, Michael Jordan went to North Carolina and that lunatic’s bound to be somewhere, out there, planning, plotting our demise. Typically homicide would be against our moral code, but Jordan requires a different set of rules.
Kansas: ALL THREE
It’s Kansas, need we say more?
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Joke:
Writer: Zach
Editor: Laura
Proofreader:
