Girl Power! Watch The USWNT Absolutely Destroy Yet Another Scrappy Women’s Team From A Third-World Country

Highlights from today’s amazing blowout against the small island nation of Tuvalu in the South Pacific prove the US Women’s National Soccer Team has racked up another courageous win for feminism.

Nothing could hold the American spirit back during the match that took place on one of the third-world nation’s thinly populated nine islands — not even the jeers and pleas for mercy from the crowd.

“We weren’t sure if the other team had the advantage, them being used to playing on these fields and all,” said forward Ashley Hatch of the holes left from World War II American bombs. “But somehow, we were able to pull-off a 35-0 victory.”

Indeed, the USWNT deftly maneuvered around various obstacles, like buried landmines and armed guerillas, who ensured the Tuvaluan women kept every inch of their skin covered at all times under threat of public execution. 

Star goalkeeper, Alyssa Naeher, said the team was able to turn such potential pitfalls into advantages. “The craters forced us to up our passing game, which tired the other team out pretty quickly in the 103-degree weather,” Naeher said. “We became unstoppable. I mean, the Tuvaluan team was literally unconscious by the fourth minute of play.”

The American women look forward to rallying together in sisterhood this Saturday to absolutely destroy Iran’s new women’s team, who were just legally allowed to touch sports equipment last December.