Hear Us Out: How Sick Would It Be If The OKC Thunder Played The Tampa Bay Lightning?

How sick would it be if the Oklahoma City Thunder played the Tampa Bay Lightning in the perfect storm of matchups? Short answer: the sickest. Long answer: so sick, sick to the max, the mostest sickest of all timest. Mark Wahlberg’s performance in “The Perfect Storm” level sick. Every fan should seek shelter immediately because this epic sports storm will undoubtedly produce hail, flash flooding, and fuckin’ sick straight-line wind damage.    

That’s right, Thunder and Lightning, the bash brothers of giving dogs anxiety and making people say, “Storm’s a-coming,” finally going head to head. That’s hockey vs basketball, ice vs court, Zamboni vs the lady that rides a unicycle and flips bowls onto her head. Plus, think of the uniforms. Dudes would be out there in hockey sweater basketball jersey hybrids. They’d have one arm fully covered and the other arm flexin’ tats in a tank top, the sickness factor is, like, eleven.

But who would win? I’ve crunched the algorithms, and I’ll tell you exactly how this one plays out. The Lightning jump out to an early lead with superior speed. Traveling at the speed of light is a big advantage because the Thunder, scientifically speaking, only travel at the sound of thunder. But then Russell Westbrook uses his quickness to level the ice-court by getting a steal, then doing a sick triple axel and slamming the puck through the basket.

Then Thor makes a sick cameo and says, “I am Thor, God of Thunder, but I shoot Lightning.” As Zeppelin’s ”Immigrant Song” starts playing from the house speakers, Thor blasts the aforementioned Lightning into the jumbotron causing a big surge of energy. The whole place goes dark. After the dust clears and the lights come back on, we see that the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Tampa Bay Lightning are no more. They have instead merged into one team: The Oklahoma Bay Thunderlights – a bunch of sick, sick, bad bois, that despite not being of this world, must work together and help Thor find a way to save it.