Hear Us Out: If You Start ‘Dark Side Of The Moon’ When Cris Collinsworth Slides In, It Lines Up Perfectly With Sunday Night Football, Man

Sit down, pack a bowl, and get ready to have your third eye opened, dude. If you start up Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon at the exact moment that Cris Collinsworth slides in during Sunday Night Football, it lines up like… perfectly, man.

So I was relaxing last night with a few bong rips after a long day of eating edibles, and just as I put on “Dark Side of the Moon,” my roommate turned on Sunday Night Football. It was really harshing my mellow so I muted the game, but just at that moment Cris Collinsworth slid in and suddenly it felt like I had tapped into another dimension, dude. The first track, “Speak to Me,” played as Cris looked into the camera and spoke directly at me. I was like, woah. Then, I squinted my eyes through the dank weed smoke (shoutout to my boys at AllDatDankWeek on Sunset), and he was definitely mouthing the lyrics to ‘Breathe’.

I figured there had to be a deeper meaning, so I started looking for more connections during the game. Like during the song “Time,” that player that I don’t fully remember because I was pretty fucked up, totally scrambled for 40 yards right when the lyric hit, “no one told you when to run.” And then when the other team called a timeout? Mind blown, bro. And later “Money” came on, and check this out: “new car, caviar, four-star daydream, think I’ll buy me a FOOTBALL TEAM.” Roger Waters wrote this in the 70’s. How could he predict football in 2023 if he wasn’t, like, connected to a higher plane of consciousness, man? Then like, “Brain Damage” started right when a player went into the medical tent for a concussion, and — hey do you think they ever hotboxed that thing? That would be so sick, also I’m hungry right now. Chinese food sounds incredible. 

Anyways, I’m just saying next Sunday, I want you to spark up some Panama Red and open your mind. I promise this isn’t like that time I told you that injury timeouts were a conspiracy by “the man” to squeeze more commercials into a football game, even though I’m totally right about that, and also, the universe is love and everyone is one with the universe.