Hear Us Out: More Fuckable Umpires

When you’re at an MLB game, you want a cold beer, a jumbo hotdog, and an umpire who is ready to fuck. Fans across America have voiced their frustration with this current crop of unfuckable prudes, and we may finally get the boys in blue to show a little more skin. There’s nothing quite like taking your son to his first game at Wrigley Field, sitting behind home plate, and having two thick assless chaps staring back at you.

Even if they’re officiating first, second, or third base, these hot boys of summer need to strut. It’s time for umpires to trade in those silly ball caps for some little cowboy hats to keep away that blistering sun. 

More fuckable umpires — who says no?

Baseball symbolizes the American dream and our tireless pursuit for something better. What could be better than seeing the men who protect those rules ride on horseback into our stadiums wearing nothing but an American flag?