How To Fuck Your Way To The Top Of Your Office Fantasy Football League

The office fantasy football league is cutthroat, which is why you’re going to deep-throat your way into the playoffs. When your team sucks, you start blowing. When the going gets tough, you start banging rough. What we’re saying is, if you want to win, if you want that $15 gift card to Outback Steakhouse for fantasy football office supremacy – you’re probably going to have to fuck.

 

Wide Receivers and Running Backs

These are the most important positions for scoring, while your most important scoring position is going to be doggy. When you see a WR or RB trade that is heavily in your favor, sweeten the deal by letting Lucy from accounting long-bomb it from the backfield.

 

Quarterbacks

That top 5 quarterback you drafted isn’t getting you jack shit on his by-week. That’s why you’re going to jack your boss’ shit on your (and their) bi-week.

 

Married Coworkers

If they aren’t in an open relationship then get ready to give and receive. Winning isn’t for the faint of heart, it takes the ability to pleasure two people at once. Don’t be afraid to get creative: costumes, whips, and strap-on’s can make even the most apprehensive spouses willing to bench their flex player and give you the win.

 

Wild Card: Preparation

Keep in mind, you’re going to be dealing more milk than a thirsty Wisconsin family of fifteen’s only cow. The key is: hydration and stretching. Start an IV drip of Pedialyte on yourself everyday at work, do pelvic floor exercises on your breaks, and go to a local gay bar to get some pop*ers. Last thing you want is your tight end injured while your Tight End’s injured.

 

 

Join us next week where we’ll cover how to get your wife to take you back after you’ve fucked the Memphis Grizzlies.