LeBron To Spend Offseason Rehabbing Injured Ego

After a season of hairline cracks to his confidence, sprains to his self-entitlement, and completely shredded dignity, LeBron James plans to spend this offseason rehabbing his badly injured ego.

The damage stems from LeBron’s elimination from the NBA’s first round of playoffs, an unprecedented event that blew out his ego almost completely as it was crushed under the weight of the Suns’ Devin Booker.

“The injury was so horrific, LeBron was immediately airlifted from the scene in his private jet, while he and his entourage attended to, and licked, his wounds,” said Lakers head coach Frank Vogel. “Thanks to the quick butt-kissing, James’ ego survived, but was severely damaged.”

LeBron’s rehab regimen is scheduled to start immediately. “First, I will hydrate only with Sprite, consume only Blaze Pizza, and be surrounded by those I love,” LeBron said of the rehab room filled with photos and posters of himself.  “After I analyze all my endorsements, then I’ll concentrate on looking in the mirror and complimenting my form.”

Those close to LeBron expect the superstar’s signature work ethic will be applied to recovering his ego strength. “With an injury this severe, recovery will be like climbing a mountain,” said Orthopedic Egomaniac Specialist Adam Prietto, who worked with Michael Jordan after his infamous stint in the MLB. “But LeBron is motivated to remain the GOAT at narcissism. He’ll be back on his high-horse in no time.”

Asked whether he was planning to address his torn ACL during the offseason too, LeBron told reporters he’d concentrate on that after finishing his ego therapy, where he still plans to swim laps in piles of his endorsement money and study a version of “The Last Dance” where he has been digitally inserted in place of Michael Jordan.