Lonely Pitcher Really Appreciates Mound Visit

Returning to the bullpen on Friday night, San Diego Padres pitcher Chris Paddack mentioned to reporters how incredibly pleased he was that pitching coach Larry Rothschild and catcher Francisco Mejia paid a visit to his mound to provide a brief respite from the profound loneliness and alienation that had become the defining feature of Paddack’s existence.

“When Larry and Franky showed up, I was surprised, because I really wasn’t expecting company,” said Paddack, who mentioned that the mound visit was the first human contact he’d had in months outside of head nods and finger signals. “I felt kind of embarrassed, actually. I didn’t have any time to clean up—the mound was really dusty, and there was spit everywhere.”

While the two friends’ actions have been praised as selfless, Mejia brushed off such sentiments when talking to reporters. “Larry and I always make up some excuse like there’s a strategic adjustment, or a lefty power hitter coming up… but the truth is, we just miss the guy,” said the catcher. “We love getting the chance to talk with Chris. It’s just that the game keeps us really busy a lot of the time.”

Humble though Mejia and Rothschild may be, the MLB is using their visit as a teaching lesson for all of its players and coaches, featuring it in an awareness campaign alongside negative examples of prolonged pitcher isolation, such as the time Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson completely lost his composure after eight months alone on the mound and decided to murder an innocent bird.