NBA Suspends Season to Prevent Fan Exposure to New York Knicks

Addressing reporters on a rapidly escalating and unprecedented situation, NBA commissioner Adam Silver announced today that the NBA will immediately suspend play to prevent further fan exposure to the New York Knicks.

“This postponement will provide us the necessary time to develop procedures for protecting our fans from the Knicks franchise,” Silver said through a hazmat suit, adding that NBA scientists have advised that any player or fan who has recently come into contact with a Knicks player, coach, or front office executive should immediately call the league office for a refund.

Though the league had originally decided to let the Knicks play without an opponent or fans present, a further consult with NBA statisticians and pro scouts forced Silver to suspend play. NBA officials are now offering free test for fans to see if they have experienced a Knicks game this season and provide immediate relief in the form of Patrick Ewing highlights.

“We must practice responsible social distancing to combat the spread of this franchise for the foreseeable future,” Silver added.  

NHL and MLB officials announced shortly thereafter that they too would suspend their respective seasons to protect fans from the Knicks.