ESPN Talking About Sports Even Less Than Usual

ESPN, the self proclaimed worldwide leader in sports, is now discussing sports even less than usual. 

In an unprecedented drop, our advanced statistics department has found ESPN is now discussing sports 1.6% of the time which is a steep decline from their normal 4.2% rate of actual sports journalism. The reason for this recent dip is unclear, but looking back over the years it appears to be a conscious effort made by the network. 

At its inception ESPN spent 98% of their broadcasts focused completely on sports; a number that gradually decreased 8% over its first decade, 16% the following decade, 31% the next decade and finally 41% this past decade. Rather than actual sports we’re seeing their focus shift toward arguing tv personalities, athletes social media updates, and marketing video streaming services.  

“When we stepped back and looked around at what our contemporary networks were doing, it wasn’t another sports network that showed us the potential we were missing, but rather MTV,” said ESPN spokesman Dick Stevens. MTV, famously went from being a station that was 98% music based in favor of becoming 100% focused on reality shows. 

“Sports and music go hand in hand, so looking at what they did by completely abandoning their original mission in order to chase more profitable programming we knew we could too,” explained Stevens. He went on to say, “If we can emulate even 50% of what they have done we’ll be a big player in the TV world for years to come.”

Currently the network is airing zero live sports, the culmination of years of hard work by Stevens and his crew, we finally have what we always didn’t know we wanted, a 100% sports free ESPN.