NFL Owner Lays Awake At Night Wondering If Players Like Him For His Personality Or His Money

Tossing and turning throughout the night as he tried to push the thought from his head, Carolina Panthers owner, David Tepper, told reporters he can’t shake the feeling that his players only like him because he’s worth $11 billion dollars.

“Sure, I sign their checks. But is that enough to make somebody like you? Do we have to have things in common, too?” wondered Tepper while speaking to members of the media outside of the Panthers’ practice facility. “If I weren’t paying them millions of dollars, would they even answer my calls?” Tepper then turned to the group of reporters and asked, “You guys are my friends, right?”

According to Tepper, he has made inroads with certain high-paid Panthers since purchasing the franchise, however, he still feels emotionally distant from the majority of the roster. “Cam Newton did invite me to Cabo when he was our quarterback, but part of me feels like he just wanted to use my private jet,” said Tepper before adding, “Come to think of it, I paid for the entire trip.”

The way Tepper sees it, a small gesture from the team would go a long way. “It wouldn’t hurt to be invited into the huddle for once,” said the insecure hedge fund manager before adding, “For Christ’s sake, no one has even tried to create an elaborate handshake with me.” Before departing from the reporters, Tepper did admit that he takes comfort in the fact that, if this group of friends doesn’t work out, he can always draft more next year.