Eli Manning Proudly Informs Reporters That He’s On Chapter Four Of “Football For Dummies”

Eli Manning proudly informed reporters during a press conference Friday morning that he has officially reached chapter four of “Football for Dummies.” 

“It feels amazing to have finally found a book that takes the confusing parts of football and puts it into words that are simple enough for me to understand,” said Eli, adding that, “I’m finally starting to grasp what a quarterback is supposed to do.”

The 16-year veteran went on to explain how he is now aware that field goals are worth three points, that “blitzing” means something other than reindeer, and that the big scary guys lined up in front of him were there to protect him, not hurt him. “I always found it confusing when players in weird shirts would catch my passes and run in the opposite direction,” Eli told the assembled reporters. “I wouldn’t have thrown half those passes if I knew those players were on the other team.” 

While acknowledging that he’s struggled with some of the bigger words like “encroachment,” and “infraction,” Eli maintained throughout the press conference that the instructional book is, “the best and longest part of a book he’s ever read.” According to Eli, he gifted a copy of the book to his brother, Peyton, but the elder Manning is still busy making his way through, “Commercial Acting for Dummies.”