NFL Unveils New Cryogenic Chambers For Fans To Freeze Themselves Until August

With the NFL Draft’s first round complete, the National Football League has announced an incredible new offseason product for diehard football fans. The league’s patented cryogenic chambers, available soon on NFLshop.com, will allow fans to freeze themselves until August training camp begins.

“Football fans no longer have to waste their lives not in front of a TV or with family,” said NFL Chief Product Officer Steve Cox via Press Release. “NFL scientists have confirmed that our technology, which includes a non-stop barrage of highlights and football punditry, is probably safe. Plus, fans are much happier when only intaking NFL content.”

The NFL has also promised to customize chambers based on their favorite teams, with decals, colors, and authentic stadium sounds pumped in at 135 decibels. Plus, fans can also start their chamber stay when their team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, meaning a Jets fan can be in hibernation for eternity. For VIP members, Patrick Mahomes will sign their chamber, and for Elite members, Patrick Mahomes will stay in their chamber.

Cox later announced in his release this is only the first model, and they have some exciting ideas on the horizon. A source inside the NFL has confirmed the NFL is working on “NFL Redzone Chamber,” a model that will only unfreeze fans when a team is close to scoring.