No One At 49ers Zoom Meeting Going To Tell Richard Sherman He’s On Mute

A very unsurprising conflict has emerged within the 49ers’ current Zoom conference meeting, as multiple players are reporting that no one wants to inform fellow teammate, Richard Sherman, that his microphone is muted.

“As soon as I saw he’d logged into the meeting with a Seahawks logo as his background, I knew we were in for a long night,” said 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan, taping a picture of himself listening attentively over his webcam so he could go make a pot of coffee without Sherman noticing. “Sometimes he goes off like this for over 10 hours—especially if he disagrees with a coverage switch, or if he’s interacted with Darrelle Revis on Twitter recently. If you ask me, Richard being muted is a gift from God.”

Thankfully Sherman did change the background to something more San Francisco appropriate but despite everything according to the unwitting Sherman, however, the meeting has been one of the most productive all offseason: “I feel like we’ve worked through a good 30 percent or so of my issues with the team,” said Sherman, briefly pausing around the two-hour mark to take a sip of water, “And they’ve all been super supportive, too—no one’s challenging me on anything!”

“That is, except for that one time when DeForest Buckner coughed,” added Sherman. “That was disrespectful.”

The rest of the 49ers plan to continue enjoying this rare moment of tranquility for the next four hours, at which point someone will change their background to Michael Crabtree, causing Sherman to hurl his laptop across the room.