Report: “Great Game” Deserves Some Ice Cream, Don’t You Think?

Wow, whatta game! That kind of performance deserves a McDonald’s cone or maybe even a Blizzard, don’t you think? ⠀

I gotta say, the red team played really well, but you guys gave them a run for their money, even though you were losing by—what was it—eight runs? What spirit! That kind of attitude calls for a treat. A treatzza pizza, even! Do they still make those?⠀

And, geeze, your team took those strikeouts like champs! Not everyone can pitch a no-hitter. Good for the other team! Sportsmanship is what it’s all about, right? So, hey, let’s go get a Dilly Bar. Or go see if that one Baskin-Robbins has been turned into a gas station yet.⠀⠀

You know, most players would be frustrated if their teammate ran the bases backwards. Or botched a triple play because they were blowing dandelion seeds in the outfield. Not your team! They didn’t even seem to notice. Lordy, I could go for a banana split right now. Hell, I’d even settle for a bubble tea. How about you? And get in the dang car, will ya?⠀

Well, to be honest, I’m not sure if I should get behind the wheel. I hit the concession stand pretty hard early in the game—you know, after you and the other two outfielders collided—and I haven’t looked back since. Do you think you’re up for a walk to…what’s close to here, Burger King? Does Burger King have ice cream? If not, there’s a 7-11 around here, too, I think. They gotta have something. We can split a pint on the sidewalk out front. Don’t worry, they only kick you out if you’re loud. So, I’ll be quiet this time.⠀

Oh boy, maybe just take my keys. One more minute and I’ll for sure try to drive up to that Culver’s in Kenosha and get a Cookie Dough Concrete Mixer. You’re not the only person who deserves some ice cream after today’s performance, you know!⠀

Oh, shoot, I didn’t realize there was one more inning left. My bad, I’ll get off the field now. It’s nice that the parents are helping me off, I wanted to watch the rest of the game from the back of this police car anyways. Wow, was that a foul-tip?! Good job, buddy! Excuse me, officer, but is that bacon I smell? Sorry sir, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just fucking starving.