World Series Of Poker Plagued By Betting Scandal

An FBI investigation into the World Series Of Poker (WSOP) has unearthed a massive betting scandal corrupting the event from the inside out. According to a report from the Bureau, every WSOP competitor since the event began in 1970 was directly involved in gambling during one-hundred percent of the tournament’s hands—sometimes even betting multiple times on a single draw.

“It’s hard to overstate just how much gambling was taking place here,” said lead investigator Ashok Tulani. “We have footage of over 700 tables clearly showing athletes betting colorful, circular chips—which we now know serve as a stand-in for money—right out in the open for all to see.”

“I am utterly ashamed of myself,” said WSOP 2019 champion Hossein Ensan, who admitted to earning over $10,000 during the event. “Poker is supposed to be about smoking cigars and wearing sunglasses indoors, not money.”

In response to the scandal, fans are calling for the sport to return to its saloon-based roots, a time when money had no place in the game, and athletes played for the love of not being shot by a drunk cowboy.