Recently Toothless Hockey Player Can Finally Fit Entire Puck In His Mouth

In a stunning development, Brady Holmes has become the first NHL player in the past five seasons to fit an entire hockey puck into his mouth. Brady’s teammates say that, by jamming the puck into his mouth and closing his lips around it, he has helped the team, who have lost their past seven games, regain their swagger.

“I’ve been trying to fit this puck into my mouth for my entire life. To finally have it happen on the national stage feels surreal,” said Holmes, noting that the biggest challenge was knocking out his last tooth, a back molar, as it was healthy and firmly in place. “It’s what separates the good players from the greats. We all remember when head coach Herb Brooks shoved a puck into his mouth to rally Team USA to defeat the Russians,” said hockey journalist Steven Wernette, arguing that the act of mouthing the puck was the real Miracle on Ice. 

Despite only achieving moderate success during his career as a third line defenseman, Holmes is now receiving record-breaking contract offers from multiple teams, while other players are reportedly getting into more fights during games in an effort to lose all of their teeth. Sadly, not everything is looking up for hockey’s new icon, as he is said to be in critical condition after accidentally swallowing the puck after last night’s game in celebration.